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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23381389">eunhae | seasons change</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ai_hao/pseuds/plincess_cho'>plincess_cho (ai_hao)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Super Junior</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>EunHae, Gen, M/M, do i even tag this as angst, flangst, good enough, non-au</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 14:47:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,781</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23381389</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ai_hao/pseuds/plincess_cho</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>They'd always cycled on and off like the seasons.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lee Donghae/Lee Hyukjae | Eunhyuk</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>43</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>eunhae | seasons change</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>They’d always cycled on and off like the seasons.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hyukjae loved their summers, when the sun shone more brightly than anything else. Donghae had been his sun from the first moment they had met, filling Hyukjae’s heart with more warmth and light than he could have ever imagined. Spending time with Donghae had reminded him of being a kid again, staying out playing until the sun had dipped beneath the horizon, casting the earth with its warm glow. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’d gotten the tattoos during a summer, and Hyukjae had been on the top of the world. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Of course</span>
  </em>
  <span> he’d wanted to get a piece of Donghae etched onto his skin forever, needles be damned. It had hurt like hell and he’d cried most of the way through it, but they both walked out with permanent remnants of the love that they had shared. Hyukjae had a little sun on the inside of his hip bone, just far enough in that the only people who would see the mark would have to be personally invited to behold that part of him. Donghae had wanted it that way: much more intimate and secret, just for the two of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Donghae had asked, and Hyukjae had agreed far too readily. He would have done anything Donghae had asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That had been at their peak. The sun burned on Hyukjae’s hip as if trying to remind him of Icarus who had flown too close to the sun only to be scorched by its heat. But Hyukjae had heeded no warnings. He’d flown higher and higher, trying to launch himself into the stratosphere of happiness, of </span>
  <em>
    <span>Donghae</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But then it had happened and he had come crashing down to earth far faster than he could have ever imagined.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I have a girlfriend,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Donghae had announced over dinner. Hyukjae had choked on his chicken, and Donghae had patiently waited for him to get his breathing under control before continuing. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I met her in New York last winter, and we’ve been talking ever since.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Hyukjae had expected this, of course. Donghae had been complaining about his new weird sleep schedule for months and had disappeared to New York on more than one occasion. It was an open secret amongst the members that he’d been seeing someone. Yet hearing it spoken aloud felt like a punch in the gut. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Congrats,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Hyukjae had replied, trying to keep the strain out of his voice. And then, to break the uncomfortable silence that had fallen between them, he’d asked, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Is she Korean?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Yes,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Donghae had replied. Hyukjae had felt himself relax slightly, until Donghae had continued, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Korean-American.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Ah.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>And there it was. In an instant, his visions of growing old with Donghae had vanished into thin air. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>What had he even wanted from Donghae? A roommate, a friend, a brother? Or had it been something more, something different? That constant presence, someone to come home to every night for the rest of his life, someone to… It had always remained unspoken. Hyukjae had been sure that Donghae had known, that Donghae had maybe felt the same way. Had that even been what Hyukjae had wanted? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Did he love Donghae or was he </span>
  <em>
    <span>in</span>
  </em>
  <span> love with Donghae? That had been something that Hyukjae had never been able to figure out. But one thing he did know for sure was that he wanted </span>
  <em>
    <span>Donghae</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Donghae and his past, his present, and his future. There seemed to be no universe where they wouldn’t be together in some way shape or form until the end of time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And yet, he’d lied awake that night, tracing his fingers over the sun on his pelvis, and he’d wondered if Donghae had regretted getting the moon on his own body. Having to explain, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Ah yes, I’d gotten this with my… friend, but I haven’t seen him in years.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>They’d cycled off for a very long time after that. It had been as if all of the longing and heartache tied up in their enlistment had vanished, at least for Donghae. Yet for Hyukjae, it had ripped him apart even more, remembering the highs that had him soaring amongst the stars. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Like when they’d seen each other for the first time in months, locked up in some nondescript hotel on the city’s edge. They’d held each other close for a long time, Hyukjae breathing in Donghae like he’d never smelled something so sweet. They’d fallen asleep like they had in the past, crammed into Hyukjae’s tiny twin bed in the dorms. Donghae’s head had been nestled in the crook of Hyukjae’s neck, and Hyukjae had never wanted anything more. They’d been euphoric, savoring every moment of being together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>(Of course, there had been the crushing desolation that had followed, with Hyukjae leaving in his army uniform while Donghae had stood there, eyes teary and the buttons of his police uniform still undone.)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even then, sitting across the table from Donghae who had been calmly eating his chicken, Hyukjae hadn’t been sure of what he had expected. Were they to live together for all the years to come, pretending that they were still back in the dorms, living as rookies still waiting for their next big break? It had seemed so… silly when he’d put it into words, but it had been everything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And so, Donghae had racked up airline miles flying to and from New York, and Hyukjae had moved back in with Kyuhyun. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’d been through winters before, but nothing quite this arctic. Hyukjae had been in a funk for weeks, barely going out and spending far too much money on food delivery. He’d adapted Kyuhyun’s terrible sleep schedule, staying up til the wee hours of the morning and not waking up until the afternoon. He’d been so used to talking to Donghae every single day for hours on end and not having Donghae’s presence to fill the void left him spiraling downward.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wasn’t mad at Donghae. What even was there to be mad about? But something inside him had ached. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Donghae had done this before, so he should be used to this by now. He’d start dating some girl and become infatuated, spending all of his free time with her and forgetting everyone else. But then inevitable they would break up, and Donghae would find himself with plenty of free time to go to the movies with Hyukjae, to go to dinner with Hyukjae, to write new music with Hyukjae, to go on tour with Hyukjae…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their tours had always started as springs and ended as autumns. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’d leave for Japan, eyes wide with the promise of a new beginning. The first shows would be amazing, and Hyukjae would grow excited at the prospect of entering a summer. They’d get back in sync, finishing each other’s sentences and spending nearly every moment together without annoyance. They’d peak into summer, teasing each other onstage and off, falling asleep in the same hotel room after watching movies to relax, and talking about the future, about </span>
  <em>
    <span>their</span>
  </em>
  <span> future.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But then something would always start the cycle into fall. Homesickness always spelled the beginning of the end for them, Donghae suddenly finding nothing in Japan able to fill the void of what he missed in Korea. Hyukjae would try far too hard to be home for him, but it would never work. They would argue about stupid things, and by the time they’d finished the tour, neither of them would suggest doing another one for a good few months.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Autumn would slip into winter, and Hyukjae would wonder how they had kept this candle burning for so long during their enlistment periods. He’d grow irritable and bother the other members far too often. He missed Donghae, plain and simple. Missed the way he’d laugh about absolutely nothing at all, missed the way he’d play with his hair absentmindedly while they were sitting on the couch, missed the way they could talk for hours about nearly anything. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Winters without Donghae felt like days without sun, and Hyukjae would rub at the tattoo on his hip like rubbing a genie lamp, hoping for three wishes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The thing about love was that the more you loved someone, the more they were able to hurt you. They had discovered that the hard way, each wounding each other far deeper than they had expected. Their winters were the worst, and yet…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And yet the thing about winter is that sooner or later, the hard earth begins to thaw. The trees sprout new leaves, and the world comes alive again with the promise of </span>
  <em>
    <span>spring</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>For Hyukjae, spring had commenced with the arrival of Donghae on his doorstep, fresh off a flight from New York. It had been one of the last ones before the country had locked down, and Donghae had looked awful. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>(Or as awful as he could have looked, which to Hyukjae had been far better than anyone else.)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Hyukjae said, pulling the door open.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Donghae replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A beat. “I missed you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A sigh. “Alright then.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d pulled Donghae inside and hugged him for a good long time. His words had been so simple, and yet… Without Donghae, there was always a piece inside of Hyukjae that was missing, and to hear that without Hyukjae, a piece of Donghae might be missing too…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’d stayed up talking, flopped out on Hyukjae’s bed. In those moments, it seemed as if Hyukjae’s world had tilted back onto its correct axis. The winter wouldn’t last forever; spring </span>
  <em>
    <span>would</span>
  </em>
  <span> come.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Donghae apologized for being MIA, Hyukjae apologized for being an ass, and just like that, they were back to normal. Hyukjae had laughed harder than he had in a long time, and all the tension that he’d grown so accustomed to carrying around had left his chest. Even Kyuhyun had come by to pound on his door to tell them to shut up so he could sleep, but Hyukjae hadn’t cared.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Spring had come.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knew that they’d cycle back through again and again, spring to summer to autumn to winter. They always had and they always would, but that was the thing about the two of them. There was an </span>
  <em>
    <span>always</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They would always cycle, but they would always be a part of each other’s lives, each other’s world, in some sort of way. And for Hyukjae, that would be enough. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Donghae had walked out of the bathroom, a pair of Hyukjae’s sweatpants hung dangerously low on his hips. And there, peaking over the waistband, had been proof enough for Hyukjae that they’d always been intertwined.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A little moon, etched onto Donghae to mirror the sun on Hyukjae’s own skin.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>fin.</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Comments are love ♡</p><p><a href="twitter.com/plincess_cho">Twitter</a> / <a href="plincess-cho.tumblr.com">Tumblr</a></p><p> You can find more Donghae/Hyukjae fics <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works?utf8=%E2%9C%93&amp;commit=Sort+and+Filter&amp;work_search%5Bsort_column%5D=revised_at&amp;include_work_search%5Brelationship_ids%5D%5B%5D=294461&amp;work_search%5Bother_tag_names%5D=&amp;work_search%5Bexcluded_tag_names%5D=&amp;work_search%5Bcrossover%5D=&amp;work_search%5Bcomplete%5D=&amp;work_search%5Bwords_from%5D=&amp;work_search%5Bwords_to%5D=&amp;work_search%5Bdate_from%5D=&amp;work_search%5Bdate_to%5D=&amp;work_search%5Bquery%5D=&amp;work_search%5Blanguage_id%5D=&amp;user_id=ai_hao">here.</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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